July 5, 2026

Today was rough. But let’s recount the landscape of how I got here.

***

I had such a nice stay in my albergue yesterday. I felt very restored. I think journaling throughout the day made me feel like I didn’t have to force myself so much in the evening. I also gave myself permission to take a nap and just be still. The people in my albergue were mostly all older than me; very soulful, slow energy. Nothing urgent. I think this helped me slow down. I also really enjoyed the space we were in. This beautiful stone church with no electricity and everything was by candlelight. That is a sanctuary.

***

I woke up before my 5am alarm, got ready and had breakfast by candlelight. I am really happy I stayed here.

What’s been different this Camino for me is I haven’t kept any strong connections or walked with anyone really. It all feels very – inward.

Just observing.

I had a really good sleep and feeling very rested and strong today. I didn’t do as many stretches as I would’ve liked, but that’s ok. I trust my body.

Today again, no reservation – just walking by vibes and feeling where I want to stop. I think I’m either going to do 25 or 28 km today. I started around six 6am – today is supposed to be the hottest day so far. There is no wind and it is flat flat. I started again between stages, so there’s nobody around me (which I love). I love my mornings, slow and introspective. Walking during sunrise is easily one of my most favourite parts of the day.

The sunflowers are beginning to bloom, still small.

I’m still feeling really good about my backpack choice and my poles and my water situation and most of my clothes. The only thing that I’m struggling with is my shorts. I had my favorite pair of shorts on the last two Caminos but they just lost their elasticity. They were the perfect length and so every day I’m trying different shorts that I brought. And the ones today are not it. So I feel like I’m preparing myself to abandon things, which is beautiful.

So then, what would be my internal landscape today if I could make it a visual – what would it look like? A flat peaceful wheat field, blue skies, breezy effortless floating. I feel like the landscape that I’m in right now matches how I’m feeling.

***

How do I decide where to sleep? I wake up in the morning. See how my body is feeling and have a few options of places that kind of spark joy. So this morning there were two 25km and 28km because I just felt drawn to them. My intuition.

***

So I’ve been walking for two hours now, kind of meditating on which one feels right and what my body needs. It’s still quite breezy and nice and I was just looking at pictures of the places. I’m feeling strong and last night I was in the middle of nowhere. One albergue (25km) is in the middle of nowhere with animals. You know what – I had that today so I need a little bit more variety. So I want to stay in a Municipal one that has a little bit of a village so I can go out and eat. I haven’t done that yet. I want french fries. I saw a restaurant that has a pilgrim meal with chicken wings and french fries and that’s what I want and that’s my sign.

***

When you ignore your needs – any needs – you self-abandon and remove yourself from the present moment. 

Reflecting on those voice notes, the landscape started smooth.

After 10km, I met a blind man doing the Camino and I happened to be there at the right time to help him cross a tricky bridge.

I stopped at the next restaurant for a second breakfast and met another young Italian with the most beautiful hazel eyes. We all chatted together and it was slow and soulful. Then the winds started to change.

***

It started to get hot. I started to feel the need to rush. I didn’t see many pilgrims and it made me panic slightly. I felt I was no longer present – my mind ripping me out of my body.

The Meseta, though beautiful, can be quite brutal. It’s a time that makes you question your sense of self.

I started to notice ugly scary things. Ants, bugs, millipedes, flies. Things that reminded me of rotting. Decomposition. I was breaking down. My mind was dragging me down.

What did Hungarian say? When my mind starts to do this – stop. Do less. But in that moment, that muscle was still not exercised. And I started to go faster. The heat was wearing on me and I didn’t want to slow down and roast.

***

You can’t rush the creative process. I tried to find inspiration on the road but couldn’t. And it’s not until I’m getting ready to sleep that the creativity is here.

“The language of the soul communicates in intuition and dreams.” I start listening to a little bit of my Alchemist audio book.

I stopped again for a coca-cola. Then rushed away.

I was unhappy with any pilgrim I met. They bored me, like the long straight roads.

Suddenly, sunflower fields – beautiful girls. What a lovely sign. What is she saying?

I couldn’t hear.

I walked faster, counting the kilometers. I walked by the 25k place and it looked creepy and abandoned. Nobody was there so I sped ahead.

I arrived at the 28km place at 1pm – roasting under the sun. The large church caught my eye and I wanted to be here.

There were 2 French women and an Italian woman from last nights albergue. I also met a Canadian man when I drank my coke and he was checking in after us.

I expected more people on the Camino but this felt isolated.

Go. Inward.

The entire evening felt like a drag. I didn’t enjoy anybody’s company. Nobody is inspiring me. They all feel low frequency and negative and complaining. No substance.

What I did enjoy was my French fries. And the cool temperature inside of the church.

I felt I self-abandoned today. I didn’t write or reflect in my journal. I feel that would have helped me break out of the desert mind.

Or maybe something is decomposing. Maybe all the bugs in my brain are doing work. Maybe I’m rotting away parts so that new ones can grow. Maybe my landscape is subterranean.

Subterranean.

All that life just beneath the discomfort.

xoxo surrenderness 🌻