I’m so happy you’re here. Welcome to my home, where my soul comes to sing.

What is Surrenderness and how was it born?

Something inside me needs to write, and if I don’t, I feel incomplete. I also might die (not to be dramatic, but I am a Leo and that’s definitely not the last time you’ll hear it). It helps me to unknot all the feelings inside me and brings me back to peace. My nervous system is regulated. But it also brings me into alignment – flow state.

And I want more of that. Present, flow state, inspired fulfillment. Like I’m meant to be doing this. Like writing is my calling. Like I have words that are meant to be read. And here they will live. A mix of a diary and poetry. Storytelling in a way that feels like we’re hanging out and the craziest thing just happened and I can’t wait to tell you all the details. All the treasures of my mind; signs and synchronicities.

That still doesn’t answer the question, but we’ll get there.

A long long time ago, I was a perfectionist. I loved being “perfect”, especially at school. Chasing high grades, perfect attendance, academic awards. I was better than everyone else, and I found a way to measure and compare. And it felt so good. Until I burnt out and couldn’t push myself anymore.

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I cried in my grade 11 chemistry class when I no longer had the energy to study for the test. And I got a bad grade. And I hated myself. But that’s how a 16 year old thinks. And I had a lot of real life learning ahead of me.

Fast forward through the lost phase; a lot of traveling, a degree, high-turn over jobs, a Great Depression (or 3) and a couple more burn outs, and life spat me out onto the Camino.

In September 2022, I decided to take a break from teaching, and instead, I went back to school – to the school of life. I decided this was the perfect moment to walk 1000km across Spain and practice anti-perfectionism. No plans. Surrender.

And what happened in those 40 days completely rewired my brain. I learned to just be. Show up, walk, and deeply trust that everything would work out.

And it so did.

Probably better than any plans I’ve ever prepared for in my years prior. Life felt fuller. More expansive. And without the plans, it left space for the magic to show up. Life surprised me over and over again and I was so profoundly present in a walking meditation flow state.

Surrender. Or, Surrenderness – the process of deeply surrendering. Surrenderness is the peaceful state of cooperating with reality instead of fighting it. It combines trust, acceptance, humility, and openness while continuing to act with intention.

So here we are. About to walk my 5th Camino in a row. Year 5. What will this journey bring? How deeply can I surrender?

xoxo surrenderness